Ugh, I don’t know what to do any more. I put my kid to bed TWO hours ago (around 10 pm). He is STILL awake and he keeps coming out of his room to -go to the bathroom, get some water, get the second dog (the one that doesn’t usually sleep with him. He already has one in his bed!), tell me he’s thinking of scary stuff, to ask me to read a book, to get some more water, and just ON and ON. 

We have to get up at 7am tomorrow and it’s already after midnight. Poor kid has inherited my sleep disorder and I don’t know what to do. He gets plenty of exercise and good food. We were outside all afternoon, he was running around with his friend and they played in a fountain for hours. It doesn’t matter what time he gets up, he will drag out bedtime for aaaaaages. He just doesn’t get properly tired at night, when normal people do, and every since I can remember, neither did I. 

I used to work 13+ shifts at a vet and instead of sleeping enough, I’d stay up until 3am, crash for four hours, get up, go to work, run on adrenaline and sugar, then go home and be wide awake! Then, on my day off I’d pass out for 14 hours and then do it all again. It’s insane! I’ve tried melatonin, warm milk, not having caffeine (when I’m tired, I can drink a cup of coffee and go to sleep right away, so yeah), no electronics two hours before bed, warm baths, nothing helps! We’re just wired up wrong or something. My son has been like this since before he was born! He’d start in utero acrobatics at 1am on the dot every night once he was big enough to move around. 

So yeah, it leads to so much frustration though when we try to synch up with the rest of the world :/. If I could just live out on 40 acres somewhere with no ‘real life’ responsibilities I’d just sleep whenever and let him sleep whenever. But right now I need him to be asleep so I can drag my carcass out of bed tomorrow at 7am (at the latest) and go do stuff with other people and be pleasant. Ugh. Wish me luck.

Dammit I stayed up so “late” that my upstairs neighbor is getting up for work (he’s in the Navy). Way to make me feel like a lazy slacker, asshole. 

My son is ~super~ excited for Easter tomorrow and I’m not really sure why. The only thing out of the ordinary will be searching for candy and small presents around the house. Maybe we’ll dye some more eggs, but we already did that in the last few days. Still, he can’t wait to get up tomorrow. 

I figured, hey, if he’s that psyched, I’ll take him to the park for the public easter egg hunt, yeah? Make it a surprise. Then just before bed he comes to me and says: “Remember last year we went to the park to hunt for eggs? Let’s not do that again.” I thought I’d misheard so I clarified: “You *don’t* want to go to the park?” “No, I just want to stay home and do what I want to do.”

Done and DONE, kiddo. I hope this is a sign for the future because I despise public events like that. Unlike Halloween, we’re you just have to show up and look cute to get candy, egg hunts are such a fucking competition. I can’t remember a single year where he actually got away with a decent amount of loot, because he’s just not the “go and grab it” kinda kid. 

So I’m looking forward to a nice, calm, ordinary day tomorrow where I can sit on my couch while my kid ‘hunts’ for candy eggs and chocolate bunnies around the living room. 

Why is it that I always have the worst sleep when I have to get up early? I kept waking up a sweaty mess despite having the window open and the fan on and I dreamed that a building collapsed around me and I had to live in a sort of cave underground for almost four months before I got rescued (and my son was with me!). This is the second time in two weeks I dreamed about a building falling down around me, wonder what my subconscious is trying to tell me. But yeah, I’m tired and cranky and still somewhat shaken from what was a legit nightmare.

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Funny how you can think you’re friends with someone and then they just move across the county without warning and without saying goodbye. Between that and mortgage people not calling me back I’m starting to wonder if I have a big “just ignore me” tattooed on my forehead.

Just had a sobbing, gasping, hiding-in-my-bedroom breakdown, because the kid dropped some eggs on the kitchen floor (they were boiled and peeled, he was supposed to eat them). Some days you just don’t know what will set you off. 

Should I just not sleep? It’s almost 8am, if I go to bed now I’ll sleep til 2. If I stay up, I’ll probably crash in the afternoon anyway because I’m old and tired. If I knew the rain would stop I’d stay up so I could take my dogs for a walk but if it’ll just keep raining I might as well sleep :/

I put on Scrubs for some light background noise and here I am, half an hour later, sobbing my eyes out. 

Experiment in progress at my house: How long will my kid stay up if I don’t send him to bed. Keep in mind that he didn’t get out of bed until 1pm. It is now 2:20 am and I’m pretty sure he’s still awake. 

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I’m uncomfortably hot but I’m too lazy to stretch to turn off the heater which is literally one foot out of reach. When exactly has my life turned into this?

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Dear lord, Holden, you are such a fucking awkward moron, what does she see in you? A threesome, really? 

Time to rewatch Chasing Amy. Haven’t punished myself in a while. 

You fucking tracer!!

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Really? The Prince of Egypt ends after the crossing of the sea??? HAHAHA, why are you people so happy, your troubles are only just beginning!!

Jeremy Clarkson making Star Trek references :D 

My world is complete. 

My mom sent me a giant box of German sweets. Unfortunately I’ve completely lost my desire for sugar in the last few days. :/ Everything *looks* delicious but I take one bite and want to puke. I’m sure my sweet tooth will be back in time but it’s still sad.